and no it is not the 4 letter F word that you may be thinking about (but that is another fearful F word) but the word "favourtism". Oh yes, "favourtism" - loving another child MORE over the other child you have.
I am the youngest in the family alongside 2 other older siblings. I know favouritism exist -it didn't bothered me ( not in the BIG way nor did it bug me at all). I knew my mom's favourite was and still is my brother and my late dad's favourite was me. We (among our siblings because parents always denies it) knew about it, accepted it ( there wasn't any fierce fight against it anyway) and we grew up.
However, now that I am a mother of 2 very different children - it began to dawn to me that I treat both children differently. I see you are having your very own speculations now.
Myles is still ( thankfully) a pretty mild kid. He is sensitive and strives to please and is quick to surrender to higher authorities. He articulates his thoughts and feelings pretty well and leaves us very little room to guess what is in his little mind. He thinks of the world (for now) a place of unicorns, rainbows, goodie good people ) and he wants to be in a better world ( no to animal abuse, off the air-con, be kind to other children etc) and tries his best to be part of contributing to the better world.
Sounds like a perfect child? Well, that is before he whines. Yes, Myles whines. He can annoy you pretty much by whining for what he does not have and why he cannot have.... his pretty much poor motor skills also means that he is not wearing his socks and uniform FAST enough ( Daddy intervenes every morning) and he is bad at opening stuff and putting in stuff etc. He is also ver S-L-O-W, meaning that he cannot be rushed and likes to take his own sweet time even during times of extreme time deficiency moments.
Callum on the other hand is the direct opposite. He is definitely not your mild kid - he does not strive to please but wants to be pleased. His actions articulates more than words (limited too) and all he wants to do now is to jump up and down and at every possible opportunity shouts ELMO on youtube. And, oh boy, he is fast. He is fast to grab his bag, put on his shoes and when he knocks his glass of water, he will run to get tissue to wipe it off. He does not wait for people to attend his matters, he takes matters in his own hands. And all these could be very draining for us. He is stubborn like mule and you can see it in his eyes, how determined he is to get things his ways.We are always one step behind him and we are like thinking how to outsmart him or to soften his heart on areas where we needed him to obey.
In all honesty, Callum at this stage of his life is very very irresistably cute. Because he is always not compliant, any little effort of him behaving, scores him many claps, hoorays and kisses. And this doesn't always seemed fair because Myles always behaves, and the rare moments of him deviating from the good road will lead stern discipline (reprimmands mostly). Myles also comes with homework baggages (unsaid academical stress) that makes him more work than ever in a different way than Callum (who has not started school).
It is precisely because of their obvious differences in characters and age gaps, I begin to make obvious efforts to ensure both boys have it fair and are appreciated for their differences.This can only be done with time alone with each child. If not, Aung will always get Myles and me, Callum because even as parents we have very different personalities and coping competency with each child.
Back to the F word. Honestly, I dunno. There are days whereby Myles makes me so happy and gooey and all mushy and days whereby I find him so whiny. There are days whereby Callum makes me so excited and wide eyes with his kisses and cuddles and latest tricks - and days whereby he exhausts me especially when he tries to push his luck with the boundaries and I looked high and low for the OFF button on him.
Myles have NEVER said I love Callum but not him or that I have not been fair. Callum can't talk yet - good luck to me.
I am the youngest in the family alongside 2 other older siblings. I know favouritism exist -it didn't bothered me ( not in the BIG way nor did it bug me at all). I knew my mom's favourite was and still is my brother and my late dad's favourite was me. We (among our siblings because parents always denies it) knew about it, accepted it ( there wasn't any fierce fight against it anyway) and we grew up.
However, now that I am a mother of 2 very different children - it began to dawn to me that I treat both children differently. I see you are having your very own speculations now.
Myles is still ( thankfully) a pretty mild kid. He is sensitive and strives to please and is quick to surrender to higher authorities. He articulates his thoughts and feelings pretty well and leaves us very little room to guess what is in his little mind. He thinks of the world (for now) a place of unicorns, rainbows, goodie good people ) and he wants to be in a better world ( no to animal abuse, off the air-con, be kind to other children etc) and tries his best to be part of contributing to the better world.
Sounds like a perfect child? Well, that is before he whines. Yes, Myles whines. He can annoy you pretty much by whining for what he does not have and why he cannot have.... his pretty much poor motor skills also means that he is not wearing his socks and uniform FAST enough ( Daddy intervenes every morning) and he is bad at opening stuff and putting in stuff etc. He is also ver S-L-O-W, meaning that he cannot be rushed and likes to take his own sweet time even during times of extreme time deficiency moments.
Callum on the other hand is the direct opposite. He is definitely not your mild kid - he does not strive to please but wants to be pleased. His actions articulates more than words (limited too) and all he wants to do now is to jump up and down and at every possible opportunity shouts ELMO on youtube. And, oh boy, he is fast. He is fast to grab his bag, put on his shoes and when he knocks his glass of water, he will run to get tissue to wipe it off. He does not wait for people to attend his matters, he takes matters in his own hands. And all these could be very draining for us. He is stubborn like mule and you can see it in his eyes, how determined he is to get things his ways.We are always one step behind him and we are like thinking how to outsmart him or to soften his heart on areas where we needed him to obey.
In all honesty, Callum at this stage of his life is very very irresistably cute. Because he is always not compliant, any little effort of him behaving, scores him many claps, hoorays and kisses. And this doesn't always seemed fair because Myles always behaves, and the rare moments of him deviating from the good road will lead stern discipline (reprimmands mostly). Myles also comes with homework baggages (unsaid academical stress) that makes him more work than ever in a different way than Callum (who has not started school).
It is precisely because of their obvious differences in characters and age gaps, I begin to make obvious efforts to ensure both boys have it fair and are appreciated for their differences.This can only be done with time alone with each child. If not, Aung will always get Myles and me, Callum because even as parents we have very different personalities and coping competency with each child.
Back to the F word. Honestly, I dunno. There are days whereby Myles makes me so happy and gooey and all mushy and days whereby I find him so whiny. There are days whereby Callum makes me so excited and wide eyes with his kisses and cuddles and latest tricks - and days whereby he exhausts me especially when he tries to push his luck with the boundaries and I looked high and low for the OFF button on him.
Myles have NEVER said I love Callum but not him or that I have not been fair. Callum can't talk yet - good luck to me.
However, Myles comforts me when I have troubles with Callum and on the other hand, Callum energises me when I feel troubled with Myles and it is amazing how one child could compliment the other child and makes me a more complete parent. I dunno about the F word - I only know that there are good days and bad days with each child but I am clear that not a single day have passed that I do not see them as blessings in my life.
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