Are you missing the "shoes"?

This is NOT the Cinderella story although what I was hoping for was exactly a Cinderella's ending - A HAPPY EVER AFTER.

Aung and I have been married for coming 11 years and we dated for 7 and that make us in today's fast paced and ever changing environment a pretty darn long time. I cannot remember honestly how was life before him, nor am I ever thinking how will my life be in the future with him. In fact, I do not think very much about him. As a person, as a partner, as a lover, as a dad, as a friend. Honestly, I stopped "thinking". It is pretty much like, you stopped tracking how much water you drink per day or how many times did you pee in a day. You know you do it and you know the importance of it but you just do not put your mind into something so "basic".

Then, there are the offsprings. And other people's offsprings ( almost 120 of them this Semester). Then there is the "new role" at work that is on my mind. I mean there are 101 things going on my mind and yet there is nothing on my mind (it is very complex, I tell you this grey matter of mine). In the end, I realized, between my Aung and I we stopped. In the middle of all this building a home, raising children and hope, the "exchanges" stopped, the "conversations" stopped. Without us knowing, the fizz in the coke is gone!

I didn't know it until Clarks told me so.

Aung bought a pair of shoes 2 weeks ago. It was a pair of tracking shoes he bought (tracking????) and after that, he placed it in the study room. On Monday, we went to J8 to get dinner and told him that his work shoes are a wreck and we should pop in to buy a pair of shoes if we have time. So we went to Hush puppies and he got a pair of shoes and we walked around and I asked him if he would want to get another pair of casual shoes and stuff like that and we went back home. When we reached home, Aung's mom exclaimed, " Why did we get another pair of shoes when Aung just bought a pair of new shoes?" She had assumed, I know about the shoes.

The shoes? What shoes? Aung took them out from the study room and showed me his "tracking" shoes and said, " they are not my usual shoes. I was thinking about them. They were on sale. I didn't know what to do with them and he laughed."  I wasn't laughing.

Something stirred in me that night. I couldn't quite sleep. No, I wasn't upset that Aung had bought a "senseless" pair of shoes. What shocked me was that, he didn't talk to me about buying the pair of shoes, He didn't tell me that he was looking at the shoes when he was thinking about them. He didn't even mentioned it when we were looking at shoes the very evening. I was honestly upset that we stopped "living" together.

Was it his fault? Not really. Perhaps the "small things" in life are not worth mentioning anymore because we have BIGGER things ( like when is the date of the excursion for the boys that we better remember). We used to have sms exchanges throughout the day sharing about stupid things and exciting things but because of work and stuff ( sometimes we do not reply or it seems mundane), we stopped totally.

Was it my fault? Perhaps. I am always so drowned in my world or busy playing with my friends that I do not stop and listen or even communicate. When we discuss things, the "boss" in me will normally go straight to the solution or convey my decision that there is no need for discussion etc.


I told Aung how I felt and what I feel. Guess it is a good start. I am thankful and grateful that Aung is always willing to embark on the "better" of us with positivity and tenderness. He did not brush it off and say , " Come on woman, it was just a pair of shoes! Just get on with LIFE! There is absolutely nothing wrong with us?" Instead, he texted me that I am such a big part of my life and the most interesting bun around.

This is really something to reflect upon as we are celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary at the corner of this month. Coke is not coke without fizz.

That's what Clarks told me. Thank God for that stupid pair of tracking shoes - They definitely put back some stuff on track!

 

Someone pressed the pause button

and before I knew it this is the very first entry I made in 2015.

Many times when I experienced something in life and I thought, I should update my blog, another experience came and after waves of waves of experiences, I find no footprints on the sand. Nothing that I remembered of.

I better write before I forget these experiences and memories. Forget how my boys talk. The conversations we have. How I feel about people, how I felt about God. How living was all about.

To kickstart, I want to jot down this observation I made.

In our young senseless days ( I still would have done it today, so still as senseless but not at all that young), we made our bathroom door in our room transparent. Yes - you see it all. When you poo, when you pee, when you shower, when and where you scratch ( okay it is very clear now) all could be seen clearly.

We had that door ( to my MIL's dismay) and we loved it. We loved it because NO ONE can come into our room to use our toilet and bathroom without having to close our master bedroom entirely - and it seems rude to be inside someone's master bedroom ALONE. It is just not a Chinese thing.

What is so wickedly pleasurable defines how Aung and I interact as well. We just talk to each other even when we go do our intimate private affairs ( or defined as some people) and it spares out some private time for us especially when we lock our children out as it is (shame shame) to see someone bathe as they are growing up way too fast. ( we confessed that it is only recently that we drove them out but Callum is still allowed to roam free range).

Nonetheless the good times have to come to an end. When you know that the bigger purpose outweigh your personally delight and one just have to sacrifice. We laminate the glass door with another opaque sticker that covers the centre of the door ( basically the head till the knees cannot be seen) because it is TRUE that the boys will somehow barge in when I forget to lock the door or Callum will be screaming outside wanting to come into the room. Or Myles would want to stay in our room because that is the room we allow air-conditioning. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE A NAKED MOTHER. IT IS JUST NOT RIGHT TO SEE YOUR MOTHER NAKED. NOT WHEN SHE IS OVERWEIGHT!

Some funny observations were made after the transparent door was somewhat covered. Callum will squat right outside of the bathroom and peep in to talk to us. He is not used to this "not being able to see us" while talking to us. In case you think that he is the only one. Aung is also having a hard time adjusting to our new form of communication. The other day, he was talking to me while I was taking a shower and he opened the door and stood outside the opened door and talk to me. I asked him,"Why you opened the door? You can talk to me outside the door what! I can hear you." He laughed and said," I want to bare my feelings to you. I can only do it with bare doors. Now our door is not bare!"


Bare your feelings. This is the only way to communicate. To see each other in the most "naked" form is healthy ( not literally and perhaps it is in the marriage context) and that's perhaps the only way to go.

 

Photography Smart

Mom's camera

Aung's camera

Myles stayed focused on what he thinks is the right place, looking at where both cameras DO NOT EXIST, happily in his world.
Me, forever, following the wrong light at the wrong time, always too slow or too fast but smiles anyway.
Callum so effortlessly nailed it all the time.
Speaks alot of our personalities and who is best at staying focused.




 

What's your name?

Today in class, I taught the students about branding - the importance of it and why companies are spending millions of money trying to build a brand name. With that, I also ask my students what do they think of their own name. They had lots of fun telling me the associations they had with some names - say "ROBERT",  "ANGELINE", "ISABELLA", "GRACE" etc.

I remember that nailing down that name for my children was one of the most painful and well most time consuming first few decisions that a parent had to make for their children. Being chinese doesn't help - apart from English name, we have chinese names and we also have a dialect name that our children can have.

Similarly to "What should I wear for my Prom Party", people HAVE lots of things they want to say about your decision of your child's name. Sometimes, they do not say, but their facial expressions tell you all and then you sort of will think twice and put it in your list of names for the family pet instead list.

To make things easier, let's just analyse my boys' names.

My firstborn was named Myles (pronounced as Miles). Many people will like, " what is your son's name again? They try to pronounce it with some luck or no luck at all. Then, it makes me wonder,

1) DON'TANYONE SING THAT SONG?

If you miss the train I'm on, You will know that I'm gone, You can hear the whistle blow 100 miles. Lord I'm 1, Lord I'm 2, Lord I'm 3, Lord I'm 4, Lord, I'm 500 miles away from home.

Myles or Miles is a common word that does not require you to frown for days and go "huh, huh, huh" all the time.

2) PHONICS CLASS PERHAPS?

Because, miles is not MOUSE. I can accept it if you are like 3 year old but if you are 30 and you still crack that, MOUSE AH? MICKEY MOUSE AH? Then basically I do not know what to do with you but send you for phonics class.

The meaning of Myles:
In Latin it means, "Soldier" and that basically means that I want my boy to be a fighter, to win wars. For God, for men, for himself. To defend, to love, to protect ( his faith, his family, his beliefs, his passion)

Of course, of late, I googled and realised that there could be another meaning of Myles which is " Uncertain, perhaps peaceful" that I burst out laughing because, Myles adopts more to this name at his phase of life right now because, he is always in his world, dreaming, thinking, imagining and although I call him blur, he probably feels rather at peace and feeling peaceful.

My 2nd child is named Callum.

That is pretty straight forward. Less pronouciation pain for people -it is of Scottish origin and it means 'DOVE" . Peace loving and all kindness encompassing. I do hope that no one calls him "COLUMN" and if they do, I blame it on our Singapore's educational system which I am a part of.

Painstakingly, I chose my names for my boys. I hope one day when they grow up they will not-

1) reply, "I DO NOT KNOW WHY MY PARENTS GAVE ME THAT NAME"
2) ask, " MUMMY, IS IT OKAY IF I CHANGE MY NAME?
3) become, A COWARD as opposed to a soldier or a TYRANT ANNOYING BRAT THAT DESTROYS rather than being a dove that brings peace and gentleness. 

TENtatively

Aungs are turning legally 10 this year in September. Although, rather weirdly, we cannot find our marriage certificate and therefore although we are legally married and binded together, there is NO way I can proof it to you unless I pay to get a duplicate copy of our certificate.

I digress. The main reason of me even blogging about it is, I have been thinking, that since it is our tenth year, I really wanna do something to celebrate our persistence in being together and writing it down should be the best way to organise thoughts (and so I teach). Going on a holiday has been on my mind but parental duties seemed to be in the way. Not only that stupid F1 will definitely make hotel rates sky high in Sept if we are planning a staycation (Ironically, my school or rather my dept  is largely responsible for the F1 happening in Singapore). And I want to be happy. If I wait for Aung to plan ( or not to plan), I will end up miserable and feeling unloved and all. So I am coming up with 10 things that I  we should do sans the children.

1. Dress up and go for dinner at a nice restaurant.
2. Go for a swim and enjoy some sun
3. Watch a decent adult movie that does not come with any morale values. Give me violence, give me blood, give me some sexual scenes and oh baby, I wanna hear some F word. You sort of get it?
4. Go shopping. Try on some clothes instead of buying them online. Try some shoes, try some accessories, get some sanity and wear some socks without holes in them.
5. Wake up without being woken up. Enough said.
6. Watch TV till I fall asleep.
7. I would like to do some massage but Aung hates it. So massage is OFF.
7. Go out late at night and have some wine. Get drunk. Get laid and then do point 5.
8. ?
9.?
10?

This is absolutely spot on. I have NO idea and this is really BAD!

It is so hard to think of 10 things to do!!!!!!!

Gosh, I think we will just end up with 1 and then wait for the next decade to try to do this stuff again. Or anyone who actually reads my  blog has any suggestions? Wait, does ANYONE actually reads my blog? Or is it only me and void and this space. Say hi? Okay.... u are not there.... okay... NO ONE is actually there......just like my 10 to do list.

I should just stop writing because it is NOT helping me to organise my thoughts and find me 10 things to do!


 

When the sun comes down on you

what can you do?

That was what we thought when Jon's mother had a series of medical issues that started with a fall, then giddy spells, the weak legs and the 1 week stay at the hospital.

Suddenly I looked at the 72 years old with a different light. Somewhat warmer light.

Since I became an Aung, we have always lived with her. She is quiet and shy and very highly opinionated in her strong, quiet ways. I would say we have lived quite well together, because she has pretty much left us alone. Her independence and her love for her child would be what I will remember her by if the fateful day comes.

We are glad that the fateful day did not come as yet, that the Lord had been compassionate enough to allow more good years of her with us. However, suddenly thoughts of the roles reversing and that we have to take an active role is not one that does not send shivers down my spine. We are looking at a domestic helper in the years to come and as well as more medical options for her. All these comes not only with additional costs to our already pretty hard commitments but emotionally and physically, it will be rather draining. This is woe of an only child. Well, if Aung had experienced 100% of everything that need not be shared by another sibling, it is then right that he also take 100% of his mother in her golden days. This past few weeks made my MIL a more emotional person than a logical person that she normally is - she praises me more often and behaves more affectionate with the grandchildren. I wonder at the end of my time on earth, how would I be?

The dragon old lady with her dragon warrior.

When the sun comes down on you, well you can also run. ( lame, I know but I am lame after the run too)

Sundown 2014 was the first run after The new 2.4km attempt. Since January this year, I have been trying to keep up with an exercise regimen. Thanks to my new school that comes with almost everything (gym, pool, track & colleagues that are exercise freaks), I am somewhat conditioned to exercise. Of cos, no one exercises for the sake of health! There has been some results although I guess the results might be better if I change my diet. But, that is never going to happen. Laksa & prata is my staple for bf and although I know this will lead me to never changing my wardrobe but at least I stay true to my local delights.

Anyway, my goal for Sundown 10km was not to stop running. Previously when I did my first 10km 4 years ago, I stopped at 6km. This time round I never stopped running till the very end. I was slow, it was more like a slow jog but I am happy and proud of what I had achieve.

So what made the difference in 4 years? I guess they were:

1. Sundown was really more cooling. There was no harsh sun that really almost killed anyone. I was baked, scorched and miserable. This time, I could still experience some bouts of cold breeze and without the glaring sun, you also feel like running home to sleep sooner!

2. Better runners. I ran with my colleagues who are far better runners. They ran way ahead of me but were super encouraging with my slow but steady strategy. Knowing that they are ahead of me, made me wanna run so that they will not wait for me, screaming, "Where is Becks? Did she run away to some fried chicken store?"

3.Six months of regular exercising. I made it a point to go to the gym or run at least twice a week. Guess my heart got stronger and my bacon legs were more resilient.

Before flag off with my mates. I am the only FAT one.

When the sun sets, I know the sun will rise again.

 

Writer. Dreamer. Child of God.

I am not talking about myself.

With the Mylo-domination going around the Aung family, I think it is only right not to forget that I have a brilliant and endearing 8 year old to be, who is growing up rather nicely.

WRITER:

NEIGHBOURHOOD WALK EXPERIENCE

Last Tuesday, we were really excited. Do you know why? It (is)was because we were going for a neighborhood walk! We were dismissed for a while, then we waited outside the canteen. I was so excited!
I was surprised that when we were told to walk, we saw many things. But there were so many things that I could not list because I would waste paper. So as I was saying, we walked and walked till I felt that my legs were dropping off! I was so thirsty, that I would drink toilet water! We stopped by post box and I got really excited! After we mailed our letters, I was so tired .(more tired than the word dropping legs). I wanted to go back to school, but my wish was not granted.
Is it? Yes! Mdm Nora said that we were going back to school! So, hope was not lost after all. When we reached school, I felt dehydrated! When I went to the canteen, the first thing I did was to buy a drink. How refreshing!
I hope you will not go for a neighborhood walk unless you are a sports person because you will walk and feel dehydrated just like me. Goodbye, for now.

THE BRAINLESS BIRD

Watch out for it. Waiting for teacher's marking.

JOURNAL OF MAO

When mom steals it.

DREAMER

Maoster has great imaginations. He dreams of funny tales and the great future. The other day, he came back from visiting one of his favourite doctors and pondered over the possibility of being a doctor. I asked him if he really wanted to be one, he probably needs a medicine degree. He asked me IF I want him to be a doctor. He said," I'll do it mom, if you really want me to." I believed him when he said that and I immersed in that magical moment of "mom-son"world for I know I would lose more of such when he grows up slowly and also quickly.

Sometimes he would even ask where he should go as his educational path develops - to the JC or Poly. I know this sounds really weird for a boy who have not even gone through PSLE (isn't it a bit too soon to even contemplate the options?) but my special boy could even tell me the difference - Poly courses are modular basis, meaning that there is no ONE major exam but you are tested throughout the years. JC, however need you to pass this MAJOR exam so it seems more stressful. Chances of going to the university seemed higher with the JC path but with poly, you really need to be top students.
He probably talked to someone. Not me. He comes to me only for food, fun and some cuddles.


Child of God.

It took me years and am still learning about God's soverignity over my desires. Aung's mom fell and hurt real bad on the eye and was sent to the hospital A&E department for doctor's examination and a CT scan. While we were at home, I gather Maoster and ask him to lead the prayer for grandma. This was his prayer (from what I remember of),

" God, we know you care for us. We know you care for Nai Nai (Grandm). Nai Nai fell and had a really really really really really bad bruise. She is now going to have a scan and I hope that there will not be any blood inside her head. If, really, after the scan, there is blood, we will still love you. But, I will grieve for Nai Nai."

I think it is a beautiful, mature prayer. In God's timing, in God's hands. We just commit and trust that God knows what is the best. This is not a "resigned" prayer, but one of great faith and understanding that our God who sees the beginning and the end have designed the best plans for us.

Letting his finger decide his ice-cream flavour. I knew he cheated.

I really wonder how my first-born will turn out in the future. I unveil it with fear, anticipation and excitement. I guess, I probably need lots of prayers and patience and to always remind myself that he belongs to God and that my job is to make sure I return to God what he had given me in good condition!


 

Meaningful Work, Work Meaningfully.

I enjoy working with students on projects that touches hearts - but more importantly I want these projects to touch the hearts of my students above all. Yes, through such community projects, the recipients do get something - but I always find that it is those who gives that gains the most. It is true that it is indeed more blessed to give than to receive and I will Amen  to this. When my students' hearts are touched and when they have experienced the joy of giving, hopefully this would create a spark that could enable a flaming torch to bring warmth and joy to the people around them. As I always tell them, practice makes perfect and even doing good takes lots of practice.

 

 

 

 

A good mother is one who will...

ensure that their chil(ren) is safe, secure and happy.

Now look at these following pictures. These pictures demonstrates how your child should look like when they are with you. HAPPY, CAREFREE, CONFIDENT. (refers to baby on the bicycle seat). So happy that he is doing almost a VICTORY sign. If there is a background song, it should be ...."and I think to myself... what a wonderful world..." on loop.

Note that the Victory sign is child-initiated.



Mylo with my sister in law.  

 Now, look at the following picture. This picture is a negative demonstration of how your child should look like when he/she is with you. Note the firm grip (on both hands)on the bicycle seat, the gaze of fear on the child's eyes and the disapproving frown.

Note that the Victory Sign is mom-initiated.

 

The above pictures will guide you in evaluating if you are bringing up your child(ren) the way a good parent should be and how does your child(ren) really feels when he/she/they are with you.Wishing you all a very successful parenting journey.



All BIG things started small

It all started with an innocent piece of meat.

Then, we thought, it would be great to have it grilled with some hickory wood.

So, we thought, it shouldn't hurt to get a little mini charcoal grill for the house that seemed so "portable". Forgive our senseless mind and our minimal knowledge of cast iron and the word 25kg stated over the internet.

Well, then, it was just a simple e-mail enquiry. Then the Mini Green Egg arrived.

With the egg's arrival, now we are thinking of getting some really good wood and charcoal.

And it would be great if we could have this bed of herbs.

It wouldn't hurt if we can have this trolley where we can place
food.

A nice foldable table for 4 and a picnic set that contains all the necessary ( of cos they are!) plates and all and wine glasses.

We probably cannot do without a chiller. How else are we to have a wine. HOT? Never!

It would be great if we also could have a nice 4 men tent.

Wait, maybe all we need is a house with a big garden.

Oh yes. That's probably what we need. A house with a big garden. Preferably near a butchery. The solution was awfully simple and straight forward.

So really, it began with an innocent piece of meat.
 

FARMER RABBIT

I have to let this out. I find farmers really sexy. I imagine big strong men, working hard in the fields of corns, tomatoes, turnips, lettuces to be very very very sexy. Their sexy index increases IF they also own some free range hens, cows, pigs and a horse or 2. Would be great if they could cook too.

I imagine myself having a long table in the middle of the field /farm hosting this grand dinner of roast and some fresh salad from the farm. With cheese, wines and olives galore. I feel the warmth of the evening sun shining on my face and the cool chill wind slightly blowing at my direction. I can even hear the laughter of people; nonsesnsical meaningless conversations going around. Children running around, lying on the soil and getting excited over almost anything. There is no rush. There is no schedule. There is no what-to-do next. There is only now. Miles and miles of nothingness surrounds my guests and I and we allow time to pass at their own pace and care less of what is to come.

And now sitting in my corner of my table where NONE of these sights and sounds are in place - I am shamelessly using my office hours to day dream.

Join me in my field of imagination. Of roasts and greens, of peace and tranquility.

 

Relunctantly, happy new year.

This year is a weird year for me. It's like meeting a new friend, or a new job, or reading a new book. I do not know whether or not I like it yet. I do not know 2014 enough to say that I am jumping up and down in excitment, embracing it and welcoming it with all my heart and soul.

I am peering in - with my body stuck in 2013. I guessed I have had a pretty "good" year in 2013. Aung became four end of 2012 and in 2013 we are this happy, complete, contented family. I spent 6 months not working and the rest of 2013 just zoomed by in a blur of happiness of doing minimal. Yes, parenthood is intense with an intense baby who have 0 patience but yet buzzing around this baby seems to be the calming and "non-hurried" element of 2013. Being promoted in 2013 (announced when I was on leave), felt that I had been promoted although I did nothing ( although the assessment was based on 2012).

Now this 2014 came. Gosh, I have never ever remembered not wanting to go to a new year so badly. Not wanting to move forward. Not wanting to do that 12 months ALL OVER AGAIN. It was weirdly alarming that I had turned into this brat. This brat that DO NOT want to face the storms of 2014. This brat that DO NOT want to participate in any fun jolly rewarding whatever that 2014 may bring.

I am not sure whether it is a self-fulfilling prophesy or that sometimes one can feel your hostility and shy away from you but 2014 seems to have snapped back to say that maybe I am also not welcome.

Mylo was hospitalised over a bout of gastric flu that caused him to puke and stuff and the entire clan was down. I was also puking my guts out and had to run to the toilet for the other way. Everything was coming out of me in up and down. By the time we sort of got our slight health back, a week of 2014 passed and school resumes.

BOY, REALLY! 12 MONTHS ALL OVER AGAIN!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? ANYONE CAN SHED SOME LIGHT?

So, relunctantly, happy new year.


 

123, Look who turned ONE.

Callum turns ONE on 11.12.13

A year ago on the same day, both Aung and I were excited to go to the hospital to deliver our 2nd child.  It was a child that we  both had prayed for, teared for and waited for.

Well, enough of emotional ribbons on the crib of gift - I would like to recall the "memorable" stuff that happened on the day of his birth in the delivery suite and to commerate this special 1 2 3 once in a lifetime rubbish date that alot of people are excited about.

So, my 1 2 3 are:

1. The pump that supported the epidural drip DID NOT WORK.
This explains ALOT about the pain that I still felt despite being "wired" up. I keep telling the anesthesiologist that I can still feel the pain down there. After he realised that it is NOT in my mind - it was way too late. Callum is all ready down there wondering what is the fuss outside.

2. Twist and Turn is NOT my dance
Both my boys likes to "burrow" downwards facing up. This is NOT right, according to who else but the gynae who says that babies need to be facing downards this brought to the whole decision that he (the gynae) would have to perform a twist and turn in the delivery suite. Twist & Turn basically means, he puts his hand into me and twist the baby and tries to turn him to face downwards. With Maoster, that was not a problem because the pump worked ( refer to point 1). I was in such a pain down there and Callum being himself was stubborn like a mule and was strong beyond words so, the twist and turn actually took few minutes. Sure, whatever, I was strapped up anyway and just pretend I am not there. Dance like no one was looking.... dance away people....

3. Never eat Mee Siam for BF when you need to poop your baby out.
No pun intended. They asked me to push. I did. I mean - HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT MEE SIAM WAS NOT MY BABY????

So after the above 1 2 3 - my baby is finally OUT!

Blessed 1st birthday Babycake!

May you grow to know just how good our God is.

We love you so much - your smiles, your growls, your silly actions.

We hope you have enjoyed your 1st year with us as we celebrate being four with your arrival.

The very grouchy face when he first woke up realising he turned 1. He had the same annoyed face when he was pulled out. 

 

Becoming four... our thanksgiving journey

 

 

We cannot be thankful enough and we have not been happier.

What are you WAITING for?

I learned about a friend's pregnancy after a very very long time of waiting. Finally she is pregnant. Although I am not very close to her, I feel very happy and glad for her because what she has waited for, is here. As if she knows what I was feeling, when I casually gave her a hug and said my congratulations, she whispered to me in a low voice and said," Becky... I have been waiting for so so so so long already."

I have another friend who is waiting for the right man. She has been single for the longest man. No luck though although she is a a very pretty girl. Just never crossed path with the special someone that could share the future with her. The void is real. What is wrong? I think this question probably flashed in her mind more than once.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting is tough. Especially if it is for something that is close to your heart. Something that you wanted so badly for.

I have another friend who is waiting for the restoration of her marriage. Things seem to be bad in some days and better in other days but we all know we are waiting for the best days. The best days of their marriage life to come. Where there are no more heartaches, no more fear and no more insecurities.

I think we all wait for something. It could be something big or small. It could be something important or something casual.

It could be like waiting for your turn at the supermarket for payment. Darn we hate long queues!
It could be waiting for the flight for your holiday.
It could be waiting for the end of your exams.
It could be waiting for a medical report.
It could be waiting for the next meal.
It could be waiting for an important call.
It could be waiting for a parking lot.
It could be waiting for the end of the day.
It could be waiting for the chance to shine.
It could be waiting for the chance to be forgiven.
It coudl be waiting for the rain, the sun or even the rainbow to come.


We all wait. Sometimes waiting makes us into a monster. We become impatient, frustrated, bitter and angry. But, somethimes waiting promises us something sweet in return. More importantly, waiting must make us a better person or else the time we spent in waiting has gone to absolute waste.

We all wait. But we may not all get what we want in the end. But, it is still important to wait.

So what do we do when we wait? We pray. We pray that God is with us during our wait. We pray that no matter what is to come, whether we get what we want or not, we pray that God changes our heart and mind and gives us a positive attitude towards ourselves and the life we live. We pray that we know that what we are waiting for may not be what is best for us. We pray that God's peace and joy and love continues to surround us. And then we give thanks. Give thanks for the things we have and count our blessings.

More so  importantly, we wait for our Lord's return. We know that in all our waiting in this life, something better and eternal is there for us. And therefore in all our circumstances, there is hope. And joy. And amist our frustrations, tears, emptiness and possible alienations there is love.

Psalms 39:7 And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope [is] in thee.

And, I pray that in all your waiting, that you must wait for our God. He will turn up, that's one waiting we know that will come true.

 

9gag worthy....

My colleague excitedly sent me a photo via wassap yesterday and ask me if the person in the photo is me.

I looked at it, and for a moment, believed it to be me.

I then asked my sister who knew me for the past 35 years to verify and she insist that it is me as well. She said the hair colour, the clothings, the shades and the silly actions are ALL me.

Another of my colleague came up with an alien theory that actually there are like thousands of me on planet earth. All of us were dispatched to various parts of earth to conduct experiments on 50 year old men like himself. He volunteered himself to be part of the experiment process willingly. He said," TAKE ME!"

So who is this person? I don't know.

So, do you think she really looks like me?

My "Alien- twin"

 

Because turning 7 is a blessing itself...

Maoster turned 7 years old yesterday.

This year I was specially reminded of the grace and mercy that was upon us during Maoster's delivery 7 years ago. Many times, as we celebrate Mylo's arrival after a good 6 years of "incompetency and frustrations", this year, I sorta of reflected that Myles' birth was also rather "dramatic".

Maoster was always a small baby. Each time we go to the gynae, there would be extreme remarks - mummy's weight gain is remarkable whereas Maoster is barely struggling to meet the lower percentile.

Then, there was the "show' at exactly 35 weeks. I remembered clearly that I had a business lunch and then I had to go to the hospital. In fear. In panic. I was rushed to the labour ward and all I could do was to tell the nurses that," I AM NOT READY FOR DELIVERY. MY BABY IS TOO SMALL."  The gynae came, he wasn't really delighted. He said we will try our best to keep the baby inside the tummy because he may be too small in terms of weight and his lungs are not ready.

I stayed an awful night over at the observation ward. It was nasty. I hated that place. That place had too much crying for my liking. Women were admitted for all the reasons that I had never ONCE thought of - water bags bursting or leaking where their babies  are not ready for delivery. It means they may lose their babies as I lay there quietly in my bed. I thought I had a problem, but at least my baby is most probably going to make it - just whether or not he would be in NICU or something like that. Not ideal but would make it. Already I was quite a wreck, I really wouldn't want to be in their shoes. I was given jabs to enlarged the baby's lungs in case I had to deliver like now or tomorrow.

After a day, I was "released", and after a week, there was really no way I could stop the birth. I was strangely "induced". Many people prayed alongside us. The prayers were specific: A healthy baby that could breath and eat on his own, weighing at least 2kg (that were the non- NICU requirements). Our last weigh for the baby a day before was 1.9kg or less.

Maoster was born, 20th October 2006 weighing 2.6kg. Healthy with loads of hair! A charmer till today.

And.

God's love and mercy fills my heart and I am thankful and grateful that God gave us what we prayed for when He need not.

                                                          Myles Aung. 20 October 2006.

 

                                                                   His last day of being six.

Our prayers for Maoster is that he grows up fearing and loving our Father and know that indeed God's love is sufficient for all our needs all our days on earth.

 

Happy Birthday, Babycake. We love you so much.

Cos I am beautiful Momma....

according to my friend Shermeen. Some time ago, in her blog: Just Us & a lili Boy she mentioned that my blog is somewhat worthy of such an award.

Although I am not formally part of any community that blogs, I can definitely understand and share some of the sentiments that mothers face each day with their little ones. And, as a polite person, I humbly accept this title because, she give me one mah, can say dun want meh ha ha ha..... she might be one of the very few people who bothers to read my blog anyway!

She asked me to list 3 things I love being a mother and all mothers can tell you ( on a good day, of cos!) that there are more than 3 things a mother would love of their child(ren) - I mean, wouldn't you sound like a BAD mother if you only have 3 or less ha ha ha ha ha.... So, I thought about it and I came up with 3 things that I really really really really love being a mother.

1. KIDS MEAL.
You can NEVER order a kids meal if you do not bring along any accompanying child of that stipulated age. And, the kids meal are all so cute! They come in the cutest cutlery and plates and always have a kiddy drink ( my favourite is yakult) and of cos, the young ones love fried food right so the kids meal ALWAYS have something fried which is what I LOVE. Sometimes I order 2 kids meal ( one for the real child, the other one as an appetizer for sharing) - hee.... I mean, my child have a hearty appetite... CANNOT MEH when asked... but they never ask lah.. which is lovely.... COS KIDS MEAL are awesome.

2.PRIORITY ON PLANE

When you do not have $$$$ to be on business class or whatever raffles class or some VIP Club members...... you get to board the plane FIRST when you are accompanied with children. I mean you wouldn't want to bring OTHER children for a trip cos they are LIABILITIES and BURDENSOME but your own, it's called CREATING FOND MEMORIES and BONDING session. When the queue is really long and it is a awfully packed flight, I beamed with happiness when the announcement is made that passengers with young children etc etc please board the plane.... as I walk towards the entrance, I feel ( totally my own imagination) that I am the envy of thousands and I will sway and look at them ( my own imagination at play again!) that says " NO CHILDREN LAH TOO BAD LAH YOU! YOU WAIT LONG LONG AND WALK ON OTHER PEOPLE's TOES and NO MORE LUGGAGE SPACE FOR YOU....
Did I mention the kids meal on the plane sometimes are more delicious than adult's and you can always ask for toys!

3. YOU CAN ALWAYS BLAME IT ON THEM

Oh, I am late because... you know Maoster was fussy. Mylo was crying....
Oh, I can't talk to you on the phone because, they are crying now... what you can't hear them crying... yar I am in the living room but they are crying OH SO LOUD... serious..... bye....
I am not wearing any make up and my shoes dun match my clothing because I had such a bad night taking care of them and I woke up feeling like shit. Worrying about my poor children. Yes, that stained on my shirt was caused by them... not because I never wash properly....new stain okay.....
I am fat because I have not time to exercise. I need to feed them, clean them, prepare them for school,
No, I have not heard of the latest political news or world's latest invention because, you know lah, I am busy reading Dr Suess.....
And the list goes on....

There you go. My 3 listings of why I love being a mother. :) If you are not a mother, yet and in some time to come you would want to be.... ENJOY THE 3 things I listed.... until they are all grown up and stinky and doesn't qualify for the incentives above..... Thank God for making me a woman and upgrading me to a MOTHER! :)

And..... although I am suppose to nominate other mothers.... my circle of friends are really limited ( cos I am a mother you know, I am very busy okay) and.... I shall just be lazy and omit them!

Have faith, Be brave

Today is the last day of 2011.
I have more than once told people around me that I wished this year would go by quicker. No, I'll give this year a missed even. However, if I know that I am created in the image of my God that in His hands that all things He had created is good and beautiful, then this year 2011 (my miserable year) that sat on His laps, must be good and beautiful, perhaps not that I could see now but in His time.
As how it should be and I must always remember, is to Give thanks for this year. I thank God for a wonderful family - a loving and supportive Aung that braved the storms and basked in the sunshine with me. I thank God for the gift of Maoster that this year as he turns 5, he continues to be a source of joy and happiness and inspiration. I thank God for the strong community in church that I serve along, a group of brethren that truly became family not by our mouth we proclaimed to be but bonded in our hearts that we know the genuine love, care and support that flows so generously from each one. I cannot thank God enough for these people in my life. I thank God for the work that he has placed me to be in - I found passion in teaching and love in abundance from the students. I know that I may not be very happy with management or how sometimes I feel discouraged that teaching is not part of my KPI ( that is another interesting topic that I do not want to discuss further), but the exchange of lives, trust and knowledge and building bridges and homes in someone's heart is something that I thank God for, being in such priviledge, in this job I have come to do and love. In this job I found colleagues-turned friends that made my job such a pleasurable one.
I thank God for friends, the "bestest" of them all to the ones that we seldom meet (but regularly on FB and blogs). The bible records of so many incidents where a friend is well loved and important and so I thank God for all of you.
And as how it goes, with thanksgiving - I seek forgiveness. For the trespasses that I have done, for the words that I may have said that caused hurt, for the things that I should have done but have not done, for the kindness that I didn't display, the tenderness that I omitted and forgive me if I wasn't there for you. Forgive all my selfish and jealous thoughts and how sometimes my heart could be so small and tiny. Forgive me if I had said I would stay in touch and didn't or if I said I'll pray for you but I've forgotten. Forgive me if I have placed my needs above others and that I haven't cared for the poor, the widowed, the orphan, the cold and the hungry.

This year I experienced one miscarriage and one ectopic pregnancy. Both crushed me to the depth of misery and pain. With it, I cancelled two holiday trips and I was filled with anger and frustrations namely with God and myself. I felt I haven't deserve it all, I was serving, I was loving and I was good.
God spoke to me. He told me to be patient. He lets me see that it is not through my works and most important that He is in control. He feels my pain and he weeps with me. That I should love not the gifts but the giver of gifts. Isn't He good enough for me? Isn't He enough for me? Isn't he the sole purpose of my living and my purpose is in Him. I do not subscribe to a name it -claim it theology and God is not a cosmic vending machine. Jesus suffered when he came on earth and he was spat, mocked and crucified but there was meaning in his suffering and he said on the eve of his crucification ," Father , if it is your will, take this cup away from me; nevertheless not my will but yours, be done." This is a beautiful reminder that I shall not seek my will but His will that although in my life, I may face trials and tribulations and that I may feel sad and pain and walk through the valley of death but my Lord whom my faith is on, will lead me through. I need to trust and obey and know that my tomorrows are in His hands. I am in good hands.

A close friend of mine, wrote me a card on Christmas Day. It ended with Have faith, be brave. How apt and this describes my outlook for 2012. Faith in our Lord that he is good in all circumstances, in all seasons and bravery, oh how badly I needed it - courage to walk this journey on earth.
For 2012, I pray that the Lord continues to work in my life and those that I love. That everyday I will demonstrate the obedience, the faith, the joy, the love for our Lord and be a better person.

And, if I loses faith and bravery...... please hold my hands and pray with me.

I can't wait for 2012 because I know my Lord is with me and so are you. Have a great year ahead, eat well, sleep well, live well, love well. See you all in 2012.

Beautiful Boracay

White fine sand. Clear blue sea. White fluffy clouds. Deep blue sky.
It seems like this is paradise on earth. I believe that the new world would be even more glorious than this. Beautiful Boracay! Our God is a wonderful painter and a romantic at heart. He is a musician that orchestrated every note that comes with the crashing waves. I am in deeply, madly, insanely in love.