The Art of Following

From the book of Exodus Chapter 13 (one of my favourite part in the bible)

"21 By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. 22 Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people."

I can't sleep last night. I was thinking what I should do with my life. Something that I don't always think about - I have extremely short attention span about thinking major steps of my life.

Then, I was thinking, should I continue to do my own semi-business. Semi - because I have partners whom I am still accountable for. It has been 3 years, I have started it from scratched, build it with my own hands and every dollar that comes in marks what I have been doing. There are many reasons why I think I would like to stay on, and as well as many reasons to why I think I should go. And, if I have thought about it not more than once, and maybe I should really think why I keep thinking about this instead of focusing it and giving it my 100%.

If I go, it means, I have to get back to corporate life. No more flexi hours. No more wearing my slippers at work. No more going off anytime I want. It means washing my hands off all the things I've built. Yet, there is a small nagging part of me that says, I need to go, to see what I can do outside this place.

The noble part of me has thought about teaching the less privilege.

The materialistic part of me has thought about applying for the BIG names

The pathetic part of me has thought about what if there's nothing good out there.

The maternal part of me has thought about me staying at home and stare at my son.

The realistic part of me has thought about the CPF, the CAR, the SAVINGS and the Son.

The idyllic part of me has thought about hecking it and smelling the roses and understand that money is not everything.



Most importantly, the christian part of me is what I want to hear and do. Has the pillar of cloud and fire appear? Am I too blind to see? Have I asked for it to be evident in my life? And if it is, have I taken the idiot-proof solution as just to follow it blindly?

I pray that the pillar of cloud and fire be so evident that it is staring just right in front of me cos Lord, I am seriously too dumb to know otherwise.