The "Karen Cheng" Life

You know how you read other people's blog, they write the only BEST thing in their life? You read about their perfect lives, even if it's not that perfect, they somehow seem to perfect it. Their imperfection or dismay probably comes from:

1. I dunno why I am thinner before I had 2 babies. I seriously need to eat more.

2. Oh, I can't help but buy these gorgeous size 6 dresses. Oh look at those boots - they are all on sale.

3. I cannot imagine all the TIME I have for MYSELF- now that all my kids are going to be in school full time. Boo Hoo.

4. Should I bake a 3 storey high cake from scratch? Oh, I can't quite decide, 2 or 3 storeys? I mean, i can bake a 5 storey one easily... hmmmm...all free of colouring and absolutely natural of cos..duh..

5. Oh, my husband totally surprised me by bringing me to a date, now what should I wear?

6. We are on our trip to the end of the world, it's a pity we can only take 1 month off from work...

7. Oh, my husband and kids insist that I stay in Bed for breakfast on Mom's day... Should I? I hate to eat on the bed!

8. My husband is always so busy, I mean they cannot pay him so much money for doing nothing right?

9. My kids can read A to Z, eat on his own, buckle well, remember all the actions to the songs etc etc etc... Now what else to teach him since I am so good at flashing cards and homeschooling...and oh, he's hardly 2..

10. Oh, my children loves greens. Now I have to grow them in my garden.

And their days seems perfect. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and the bees are collecting nectars from the flowers behind their yard.

So back to my bunster world on Monday when I was at home. So why was I at home on Monday? Well, becos the following happened the night before...

1. My son cried at 2am, 3am, 4am

2. He didn't want to wear his diapers. He removed them and cried like hell when I try to put them on.

3. Is he in pain? I mean, would it be a rash? Nope, checked, looked good still.

4. Read him story books at 2am, 3am, and 4am

5. He peed ( without his diapers) on ME, the bed and my blanket. How wonderful.

I woke up at 6:45 by my Aung who has to get to work by 8am. MASSIVE HEADACHE. So i slept in with my son. and Monday was:

8:45am - Maoster tapped on my face - ok, master, I know you have woken from you hangover yesterday of which You did not remember how you cried, make me read books and peed all over me. You gave me your biggest smile that basically is translated as, I KNOW I AM FORGIVEN.

9:10am -MILK TIME

9:30am - POOED and tried to shake poo off his diaper by jumping. Ok, no prizes for guessing who is the ass cleaner.

9:45am - Maoster and Bunster goes NTUC to buy grocery for dinner.

10:30am - Lugged back chicken, coconut, vegetables in one hand and my son refused to walk. Nice.

10:45am - started cooking on Maoster Lunch.

11:30am - Lunch is ready. Clean Maoster

11:45am - Feeding TIME

12:30pm - Cleaning up the mess he made time

12:45pm - Bath time for maoster

1pm - Reading Story books tricking Maoster to sleep time

1:15pm - ok not asleep yet. Seems more energetic. How about a little milk druggy trick?

1:30pm - after 120ml of milk still WIDE AWAKE

1:30pm onwards - what the heck, let's watch TV and we shared a jagabee

2:15pm - Maoster is FINALLY Asleep

2:15pm - I AM SO HUNGRY but so TIRED at the same time. So I slept instead.

3:15pm - Checked the boys back at office. E-mails etc.

4:15pm - Maoster woke up.

4:30pm - MILK TIME

5:00pm - COOKING TIME

5:15pm - OK, POOED AGAIN. No lor, MY MIL DOES NOT CLEAN BABY's ASS.

5:20pm - resume cooking

6pm - DONE. Aung Home. Take over Maoster. Bunster bathed

6:15pm - DINNER TIME FOR MAOSTER

7pm -Finally my dinner ( first meal in the entire day)

7:30pm - MY MIL commented why my curry chicken has chicken skin?(*(&**^&%&^%*&)(*)()_)(*(**)()*&*^*^&*^(*)((_)_))((**&*(**)(*)()()_!!!

8:30pm - I DECLARE BUNSTER TIME. NO INTRUDERS. OK, what do you mean by my son is looking for me?

You can imagine how happy I was to send my son to my mom's house the next day. I am a failure at being a SAHM. My maoster was smiling so happily to see my mom too cos in my schedule, there was an item that was missing that he loves. PLAYGROUND TIME - that's from 5:30pm to 6:30pm.

Please tell me that Karen Cheng is a fairytale becos, if she isn't, I seriously need to see a shrink or fly to Perth to have that bottle of wine with Yiping. Can all women from Stepford wives, please take a break so that I can at least catch up.